


All the Stars We Saw

by Prixin47



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 15:30:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21079109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prixin47/pseuds/Prixin47
Summary: When Chakotay is kidnapped by Adrixan separatists, Kathryn makes a decision that changes the course of both their lives forever.Meant as a compliment toAnd there our paths diverged.





	All the Stars We Saw

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: this fic contains frank but not-graphic discussion of sexual violence against a child.

**Stardate 49694.2**

Kathryn stepped out of the cabin and into the firelight. “What’s all this?” she asked.

Chakotay stood from where he had crouched to tend the fire. The flames reflecting off her soft, pale skin and titian hair were enough to make him weep.

“It’s a beautiful night,” he said. “I thought I’d sit by the fire. Would you like to join me?”

She walked around the fire pit, her skirt swishing at her ankles, and sat next to him on the rough log bench he’d made.

“You were gone quite awhile,” she said. “Where were you all day?”

“I went for a hike up along the river,” he said. “There’s a waterfall about six kilometers from here with some beautiful rock formations. You’d be welcome to come see it with me some time, if you like.”

“I would like that,” she said and smiled.

“But mostly,” he said, a little tentatively, “I wanted to give you some space.”

“That was very thoughtful,” she replied.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, intermittently poking at the embers of the fire with long sticks and looking up at the stars.

Finally, she broke the silence. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said last night.”

He turned to look at her, struggling to keep his expression neutral.

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something more than friendship between us.”

“I sense a ‘but’ coming,” he said, his heart sinking.

“For now, anyway,” she replied, taking his hand. “I’ve never allowed myself to think about a member of my crew as a potential partner, which means that you’ve had longer to consider this than I have.

"And,” she added tentatively,” I’m not quite ready to let go of the possibility that we might get home and that Mark might have held out hope for me.”

“I respect that,” he said. “It’s a big universe. A lot of things are possible.”

“A lot of things,” she replied with a breath of relief.

“Kathryn,” he said, “I feel like I’ve won no matter what you decide. Either way, I get to spend my life with you. Whether there’s ever anything more than friendship between us or not, your company is a great gift to me.”

She beamed at him. “I’ve met men in my life who couldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” she said. “I’m glad you’re not one of them.”

“That’s not my style,” he replied.

They sat together until the embers died down, looking up at the sky and naming new constellations.

“Do you see that one on the left, the way those three stars drop down like a long tail?” he said. “Let’s call that one the quetzal.”

“Alright,” said Kathryn, “and just over the quetzal’s head, that cluster of four stars with the five points around them, it’s the chemical structure for caffeine.”

“You’re going to name a constellation after coffee?” Chakotay said, laughing.

“You pick your sacred symbols and I’ll pick mine,” she responded, elbowing him playfully in the ribs.

They continued on like this for some time until, Kathryn stifled a yawn.

“It’s got to be after midnight,” she said. “I think I’ll turn in.”

“I’ll be in as soon as I douse the embers,” he replied

When he entered the house a few minutes later, he found her at her workstation. She looked up at him. “I’m just noting down the positions of the stars and the names of the constellations we decided on,” she said.

“You’re relentless,” he said with a grin. “I’m going to hit the hay.”

“Sweet dreams,” she replied, turning back to the console.

Kathryn had a way of disappearing completely into her work. When she was focused on a task, the rest of the world dropped away until it was just her and the data. She had completely lost track of how much time had passed when she heard a sudden whimper from behind her in the dark. She turned and saw Chakotay’s prone form thrashing behind the translucent privacy screen that shielded his sleeping quarters from the living area.  
  
She stood and walked towards the partition. She didn’t want to invade his privacy, but her heart was strangely heavy at the sound of him suffering. He whimpered again, and then the whimper rose in pitch to become a cry of fear.  
  
She stepped around the partition, knelt by the bed, and put her hands gently on his chest. “Chakotay,” she said, “you’ve having a nightmare.”  
  
He started, his breathing heavy and fast. When he sat up, the light from the living area caught his face and she could see that his cheeks were wet with tears.  
  
“Must’ve been some dream,” she said.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” he said, clearly embarrassed. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”  
  
“Not at all,” she said, “I was still cataloguing stars.”  
  
He sat up and wiped his face on his nightshirt.  
  
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.  
  
He sighed and blinked his eyes. “It’s pretty heavy,” he said. “Are you sure you want to hear?”  
  
She nodded, her face pinched with concern.  
  
He took a deep breath, looked down at his hands, and began.  
  
“A few years ago, I was with a Maquis cell stationed in a Pueblo village on Dorvan V. One night, a group of drunk Cardassians came down from their outpost in the mountains and started harassing the colonists.

"We managed to chase two of them off, but the third grabbed a little girl and carried her out of the village. We pursued him but he was using some kind of dampening field to mask their life signs. We found her body the next day. She’d been raped.”  
  
“Oh Chakotay,” Kathryn gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth in shock. “What a horror.”  
  
“There was nothing we could do,” he continued. “The colonists had relinquished their Federation citizenship in exchange for the right to remain on Dorvan V under the terms of the treaty. The Cardassian government assured the colonists that they’d look into the matter, but we knew that was a dead end. They’re not big on holding their people accountable for brutalizing innocent civilians.  
  
“The girl’s name was Pavati. She was seven years old. Just one more little Indigenous girl who never got justice. I couldn’t let go of the idea that I should have done more.

"Then, about a year later, I killed that same Cardassian with my bare hands during a raid on Salva II. Afterwards, I was horrified to realize how much pleasure I’d taken in killing him. Sometimes I… dream of his face.”  
  
Kathryn was silent for a long time, and he looked up into her downcast eyes. “I hope you don’t think too badly of me,” he said at long last.  
  
“No,” she said, making eye contact. “I would only think badly of you if you didn’t have nightmares about it. I fought in the Cardassian war. I killed more than one of their people and I watched them kill plenty of good Starfleet officers, people’d I’d been through the Academy with. I've had my share of nightmares, too."

She looked down at her hands.  
  
“War brings out the monsters in all of us, and with what that man did - let’s just say I might have enjoyed killing him myself.”  
  
She looked back at him with a blazing resoluteness, and he felt something lift from his chest. A weight he’d been carrying for so many years that it had begun to feel like part of his own body. He sighed with exhaustion and wiped fresh tears from his face.  
  
“I’m going to try to get back to sleep,” he said.  
  
“Do you…” she began, “would you like me to sit with you?”  
  
He smiled with gratitude. “Thank you,” he said, “that would be helpful.”  
  
She came to sit at the head of the bed and he laid down next to her and closed his eyes. She put a hand on his head and stroked his hair gently.  
  
“That feels nice,” he said.  
  
“Good,” she replied.  
  
Slowly, his breathing grew soft and even. When he let out a little snore she stood to leave and looked back down at his sleeping form.  
  
_No more angry dreams tonight, my warrior_, she thought - before realizing with a little start that she had started to think of him as hers.  
  
——  
  
**Stardate 49695.4  
**  
1800 hours  
  
The comm chirped.  
  
“Come,” she said.  
  
Chakotay strode into her ready room.  
  
“Here’s the report you asked for on sensors, weapons, and transporters,” he said, placing a PADD on her desk. “You’ll be pleased to know that phaser maintenance did solve that problem with the prefire chamber temperature.”  
  
“Thank you, Commander,” she said, looking up. “Is there anything else?”  
  
“Permission to speak freely,” he asked.  
  
“Granted.”  
  
“This had been the hardest day I’ve had in awhile,” he said. “I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.”  
  
“I know what you mean,” she said, gesturing to the sofa in the upper part of her ready room.  
  
He walked up the steps and she followed him, crossing to the replicator.  
  
“Coffee, black.”  
  
As the mug materialized, she turned to him. “Would you like anything?”  
  
“Chamomile tea with honey?” he asked.  
  
“I don’t know how you can drink that stuff,” she said with a little smirk before turning back to the replicator and ordering his drink. When she brought it to him and sat down on the sofa, she kept nearly a meter’s distance between them.  
  
She took a breath and then said, “Chakotay, this is going to hurt for awhile. There’s no getting around it. It’s especially difficult because I think we both knew… it was the beginning of something.”  
  
“When you say that… that it _was_ the beginning of something. I feel like someone died,” he said, his heart in his throat.  
  
“Me too,” she said, her face grim.  
  
He stood and turned to look out at the stars beyond the window.  
  
“Chakotay,” she said, standing and coming towards him, “remember what you said about how you’ve won either way? Let’s try to look at it like that. We can’t have everything we want now that we're back in a command structure, but we still get to have a friendship.”  
  
He turned to her with tears in his eyes and reached out his arms. She fell into them and buried her face in his chest. He smelled heavenly. Even though they were back on a starship hurtling through space, she could have sworn she still smelled a hint of the forest.  
  
When they separated, she looked up into his warm brown eyes and the urge to kiss him was overpowering.  
  
“I’m going to go now,” he said, almost robotically.  
  
“That’s a good idea,” she said, taking a step back.  
  
He walked to the door and left without looking back.  
  
—  
  
2100 hours  
  
Kathryn lifted up a dark blue dress, stained with loam and dropped it into the pile she intended for the ‘fresher. When she turned to look back into her duffel, she found a small painting nestled between the remaining garments. She took it out gently.  
  
The silhouette of a woman, with a strong chin, high cheekbones, and a keen, sloping nose was backlit by a fire, with stars and trees above the titian hair piled high on her head.  
  
She put her hand to her mouth and began to sob. She cried so hard she thought that perhaps, she would never stop.  
  
——  
  
_Captain’s log: **Stardate 49696.8** we’ve been invited by the Adrix and the Kriy to host the conclusion of their peace negotiations. While the last few days of adjusting back to life on Voyager have been challenging, I’m excited to have the opportunity to exercise the Federation’s directive to support peace and stability in the galaxy._  
  
—  
  
Voyager had been a bustle of activity for the past several hours, as diplomats from dozens of worlds beamed up and were escorted to quarters by a twittering Mr. Neelix.  
  
The Talaxian was living up to the title of “Ambassador” that Kathryn had bestowed upon him. He had already briefed her on the customary greetings for several of the more protocol-oriented species and managed to sort out a minor diplomatic incident between the Shikeh and the Na’krith.  
  
Kathryn was sitting at her Ready Room desk, going over her outline for the talks one more time when the comm chirped outside her door.  
  
“Come,” she said, and Lt. Paris strode into the room clad in his dress uniform.  
  
“Captain,” he said, “I’ve just put the finishing touches on the negotiation environment. I made sure to adhere to the Kriy’s request that the table be carved with specific symbols at all of the joins.”  
  
“Thank you for your attention to detail, Lieutenant,” said Janeway, standing and straightening her pips. “It’s never more important than on occasions like this.”  
  
“Forgive me, Captain, but isn’t this mostly a formality? It seems like the Adrix and the Kriy have had the finer points of this deal knocked out for months now.”  
  
“Our role here is more ceremonial, it’s true,” she acknowledged, “but it’s no less crucial to the success of the treaty. As a truly neutral third party, we have the opportunity to provide a space for the final negotiations that nobody can take issue with, and because of our technology and your considerable skill in crafting holographic environments, we can provide a unique venue for the signing that speaks equally to both cultures.”  
  
The comm chirped, “Chakotay to Captain Janeway.”  
  
Her breath caught in her throat for a nanosecond.  
  
“Janeway here.”  
  
“Captain, we’re ready to begin,” he said.  
  
“Understood. Janeway out.”  
  
She turned to Paris. “Shall we?” she said.  
  
—  
  
The triangular wooden table in the negotiation room was a thing of beauty, as was the surrounding jungle. Kathryn had to admit as she scanned the environment that Tom had truly outdone himself.  
  
Several large blue birds were perched in the trees that lined the perimeter of the cleaning where the table sat. They were - as Kathryn knew from Mr. Neelix’s extensive briefing - a sacred symbol of trustworthiness on Kriy.  
  
Also wound around the branches were dark orange snakes, symbols of commitment and honesty on Adrix. The table had been executed to the Kriy ambassador’s exact specifications. It was made with no nails or fasteners of any kind, with symbols for success and good fortune carved at every join of the wood.  
  
“This is marvelous!” exclaimed the Kriy ambassador, a portly little dark-skinned woman by the name of Jynai. “Absolutely perfect in every detail! We are fortunate, Captain, most fortunate that you have agreed to host these most important of talks.”  
  
“It’s our pleasure, Ambassador,” said Kathryn with a bright smile. “It is one of the highest honors in the Federation to play host to the dawning of peace.”  
  
“Well said! Well said!” clucked the delighted woman. “Oh Captain, you must excuse me, I should pay my respects to the Na’krith delegation.”  
  
Kathryn nodded and smiled as Jynai waddled away towards the Na’krith. She’d very much enjoyed getting to know the woman over the past few days. Diplomats could often be exhausting, so it was a treat to meet one she genuinely liked.  
  
Jynai took her job very seriously, but she didn’t apply the same approach to herself. She laughed frequently, admitted her own foibles, and had invited the crew for some R&R on the Kriy home world after the negotiations concluded.  
  
_It’ll be nice to get a break and a distraction from…_  
  
But she didn’t get a chance to complete her thought because the holodeck doors opened and her first officer walked in with the Adrix delegation - all but one of whom were looking delighted by the environment they were all gathered in.  
  
She took a deep steadying breath and proceeded to the Adrix delegation.  
  
“Good morning,” she said, bowing to touch her forehead to the back of the Adrix ambassador’s extended hand.  
  
The Adrix ambassador, a slender, good-natured elderly man with faintly blue skin took Kathryn’s hand and said, “good morning child. May you have the blessings of all the goddesses on this fine day.”  
  
Kathryn normally wouldn’t have allowed anyone to call her “child,” but given that the Adrix lived approximately 500 years and Ambassador Droiv was closer to the end of that lifespan than the beginning, she decided she’d allow it.

She couldn’t help but notice the wry twinkle in Chakotay’s eye as Droiv turned to further admire the scenery.

She suddenly felt overcome with the need to giggle. “Stop it,” she mouthed to Chakotay, who gave her big, innocent, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ eyes.  
  
To diffuse her giggles as much as anything else, she turned to Chakotay and asked, “dare I ask why Melich is grouchy today?”  
  
Melich was a member of the Adrixan delegation only by virtue of the fact that his father was the high commander of their military intelligence service. He was perpetually finding fault with everything, so his scowl could have been attributed to any number of sticking points that Droiv had allowed to slide in the interests of peace.  
  
“Something about the fact that the Kriy were allowed to unilaterally design the negotiation table, I think,” said Chakotay. “It’s honestly a little hard to keep up.”  
  
Just then, the chimes struck 0930, the agreed upon time for the negotiations to begin. The assembled delegates found their way to their designated chairs as Kathryn stepped forward to open the ceremonies.  
  
“Friends,” she said, “there is no higher honor for a vessel of the Federation than to play host to an occasion such as this one. Two peoples who were once bitter enemies have, through diligent work and great risk, found a path to peace.”  
  
She nodded to Ambassadors Droiv and Jynai. “On behalf of the entire crew of Voyager, I thank both delegations for allowing us to be part of this auspicious occasion.”  
  
A brief round of applause punctuated her remarks.  
  
“And now, without further ado, we invite forward the priestess of the Adrixan temple of Yaloch to offer the opening benediction.”  
  
The priestess, a willowy silver-skinned woman, rose, bowed to all four corners of the room, and began to sing in a voice that reminded Kathryn of nothing so much a flute.

Then the ship shook with a sudden, violent jolt.  
  
The priestess stopped singing and the assemblage looked around nervously.  
  
Kathryn and tapped her comm badge. “Janeway to Bridge, report!”  
  
“We are under attack,” reported Tuvok.  
  
“By who?” demanded Janeway.  
  
“One heavily-armored Adrixan ship,” replied Mr. Tuvok.  
  
“This is an outrage!” cried Jynai. “Droiv, please, what is the meaning of this?”  
  
“I know not! I know not, good lady!” squeaked Droiv in a paroxysm of anxiety.  
  
“Captain, shields are down,” came Tuvok’s voice, still an even monotone in the midst of crisis as always.  
  
That’s when Kathryn’s eyes caught Chakotay’s.  
  
Melich had pulled him back against his chest and was holding a long, serrated blade to his throat. The once grumpy Adrixan now looked triumphant.  
  
Chakotay was about to speak when the two men dematerialized.  
  
—  
  
Kathryn strode onto the bridge followed by Jynai and Droiv. “Report!” she demanded.  
  
“The Adrixan ship decloaked right on top of us, Captain,” said Ensign Kim.  
  
“Phasers, shields, and warp drive are off line,” reported Tuvok.  
  
“We are being hailed,” reported Kim.  
  
“Onscreen,” said Kathryn.  
  
The pugnacious face of Melich, once sullen but now suffused with delight, his pale eyes glinting malevolently, appeared at close range on the viewscreen.  
  
“Captain Janeway,” he said, bringing his hands together and tenting his fingers.  
  
“I demand to know the meaning of this!” cried out Droiv. “Melich! You have endangered the peace.”  
  
“Cram it down your gullet, old man,” said Melich, clearly enjoying himself. “That’s the entire point, or haven’t you caught on yet?”  
  
At Droiv’s aggrieved look, Melich only laughed and said, “what benefit could the peace possibly be to us? The Kriy will only continue to corrupt our youth with their licentiousness and depravity. Will you only realize the folly of this pact when the purity of Adrix culture has been irrevocably sullied?”  
  
To her credit, Jynai was able to keep the affront she must have felt from her voice and countenance as she spoke. “Dear boy,” she began, “we have nothing but respect for your proud culture. We seek only to enjoy our own traditions in the territories that we share.”  
  
“Your traditions are filth,” spat Melich, “filth and degradation. The goddesses will not have it as long as the moons rise and fall.”  
  
He then switched his focus to Janeway. “Captain, you’re a reasonable woman. Surely you can see that the situation here is much too volatile for a peace treaty to do any good.”  
  
“The only thing I want to see right now is my first officer back on the bridge of my ship,” Kathryn replied, trying to keep her voice even. “Now.”  
  
“Gladly, Captain. All you’ll need to do is hand over a few dozen photon torpedos, four isotons of tricobalt explosives, and 30 liters of bio memetic gel.”  
  
“I can’t do that, Melich,” said Janeway. “But if you agree to stand down now and return Commander Chakotay unharmed…”  
  
_Please return him unharmed. Please._  
  
“I’ll give you a few days to think about it, Captain,” said Melich.  
  
The transmission cut out and the ship on which Chakotay was now being held hostage could be seen cloaking as it went to warp.  
  
——  
  
**Stardate 49696.9  
**  
_Her eyes. Keep thinking of her eyes. The first time they flashed at you in anger. The first time you saw her smile. The way they glittered under the stars. The first…_  
  
But then the pain in his hand intensified as he felt the bone in his smallest finger snapping. All thoughts of Kathryn’s eyes were shredded from Chakotay’s mind.  
  
“I don’t believe you’re paying attention, Commander,” came Melich’s voice, smooth and full of malice. “The command codes.”  
  
“It doesn’t make a difference, Melich,” Chakotay gasped through gritted teeth. “They suspended my command codes the minute you kidnapped me. It's standard procedure. Even if I were to give them to you, they wouldn’t do you any good.”  
  
“No matter,” said Melich. “Your Captain will soon see sense.” He turned towards a holo-imaging device positioned behind him. “Won’t you, Captain Janeway? I hope you like my little gift.”  
  
——  
  
**Stardate 49697.2  
**  
Kathryn held the little box in her hands, disbelief etched in deep lines across her face as she stared down at its mutilated contents. Grief, exhaustion, and rage all competed for her attention.  
  
She settled on rage, which she channeled into the numb internal blaze that had kept her going without rest for the four days since Chakotay’s abduction.  
  
An hour ago, Voyager had found Melich’s ship abandoned in orbit of an F-Type star 1.2 light years from Adrix Prime. There was no indication of where its passengers had gone.

The only thing left inside was a holo-recording of Chakotay being tortured playing in an endless loop in the main cabin, and the small box she now held in her hands which contained one of Chakotay’s fingers.  
  
She handed the box back to the Doctor.  
  
“Doctor, please preserve this so we can reattach it after Chakotay is safely returned to us,” she said, struggling to keep her voice even.  
  
“Of course,” said the Doctor, his brow furrowed with grim concern. He turned and left the briefing room.  
  
She turned to Tuvok. “Have we had any luck with the enhanced scanners the Adrix provided us?”  
  
“Unfortunately, no,” replied Tuvok looking as weary as she had ever seen him. “There is no evidence of another vessel passing through this system. Logic would seem to dictate however, that given Melich’s motivations for taking the commander hostage, we can expect to hear from him before long. Perhaps it would be best for us to simply wait. We all require rest.”  
  
_He’s right_, said the part of Kathryn that was still a Starfleet Captain trying to recover a member of her crew and not… whatever she was to this man who had just been taken from her.

“Very well,” she said. “We’ll wait. But I want to study our long-range scans of this system myself in the meantime. Mr. Kim, transfer your readings to my ready room.”  
  
“Aye Captain,” said Harry.  
  
—  
  
Kathryn’s frustration built steadily as she continually replayed four days worth of sensor data from the F-Type system. There were no ion trails, no emissions of any kind that would be consistent with an impulse or warp-based propulsion system.  
  
She put her head in her hands. Maybe Tuvok was right. Maybe it was time for her to rest.  
  
She stood and paced towards the window of her ready room just in time to catch a flare leaping off the surface of the F-type star. The surge of brightness brought to mind a conversation she’d had with Commander Sisko of Deep Space Nine when Voyager had been docked there prior to deploying for the Badlands.

Sisko had told her about his aspiration to build a working model of an ancient Bajoran ship that used solar sails as its mechanism of propulsion.  
  
_If they were using that kind of technology, our scans for an engine trace wouldn’t pick it up._  
  
“Computer,” she said, hurrying back to her desk, “recalibrate search parameters to detect any manufactured structures, alloys, or minerals that are not naturally occurring, aside from Melich’s ship.”  
  
After a pause, the computer chirped. “One match found.”  
  
She turned her console around and looked at the screen, hope bubbling up in her chest for the first time since she’d learned they’d found Melich’s ship. But just as quickly as the hope came, it deserted her. The Computer had identified a comet passing through the system.  
  
_That has to be an error_, she thought.  
  
“Computer, identify materials associated with the comet.”  
  
“Duranium, tritanium, dilithum, benamite…” the computer began listing.  
  
The hope returned.  
  
Someone had hidden a ship on that comet.  
  
——  
  
“You know, Melich,” said Chakotay, still groaning after his last beating on the dirt floor of the holding pen where he was now being held, “you and I are not that different.”  
  
“How’s that?” said Melich. He was sitting on the other side of the forcefield peeling something that looked like a turnip with that long, serrated blade.  
  
“I was part of a resistance movement too, back in the Alpha Quadrant,” said Chakotay. “The Federation was at war with the Cardassians for many years.

"Even after they signed a peace treaty, the Cardassians continued to stockpile weapons and harass Federation citizens living in the demilitarized zone. Many of us believed they were biding their time until they could resume hostilities on a broader scale, so we decided to fight back.  
  
“We were outlaws even within the Federation, but I know in my bones that we were on the right side of history. I don’t know your circumstances, but if you have reason to mistrust the Kriy, I understand why you’ve taken action.”  
  
“These Cardassians,” said Melich, “did they defile your women?”  
  
“Some of them were rapists, yes,” Chakotay said warily.  
  
“Did your young people latch onto their culture, their music, their licentious art? Abandon the old ways?”  
  
Chakotay was torn. On one hand, he wanted to find a way to build a relationship with Melich. On the other, he was getting pretty clear that their motivations weren’t exactly aligned.  
  
He decided to thread the needle. “The Cardassians made sure that their way of life was law on every world they occupied, yes.”  
  
Melich sneered. “You think I’m a xenophobe, don’t you Commander?”  
  
Chakotay squirmed a little and he felt the edges of one of his broken ribs grind against each other. He blanched.  
  
“No,” he said, “I never said that.”  
  
“I don’t hate the Kriy,” Melich continued, as if he had not heard Chakotay. “But they must be made to stay out of Adrix space. Their way of life is incompatible with ours. Adrix leaders are all blind to the threat. They preach tolerance. They say we should open our home world and our hearts, even to those who would destroy our way of life. That’s why we’ve taken up arms.”

He deactivated the forcefield generator and stepped into the holding pen, raising his long knife menacingly.  
  
“And what,” he said, kicking Chakotay in his broken ribs.  
  
“Would you,” _kick_.  
  
“Understand,” _kick_.  
  
“About that!”  
  
After the last kick into his screaming midsection, Chakotay blacked out and knew no more.  
  
——  
  
**Stardate 49697.5  
**  
“Captain, this is a profoundly illogical plan. Your odds of success will be greatly increased by bringing along an experienced tactical officer.”  
  
Tuvok was as perturbed as she’d ever seen him. After they had tracked the vessel hidden on the comet back to Adrix Prime, she’d announced to the senior staff that she would be going after Chakotay alone.  
  
“Lieutenant, I hear your objections and I respect your opinion, but my mind is made up.”  
  
Tuvok inhaled sharply through his nose. “Very well. Captain Kathryn Janeway, as your acting first officer I am invoking Starfleet code section twelve subsection C. I must insist that you submit to psychological evaluation by the Chief Medical Officer.”  
  
Janeway set down her duffel on the bed and turned to face Tuvok. “You can’t be serious.”  
  
“Captain, I take no pleasure in this but you’ve left me with no choice. I can neither understand nor support this reckless course of action you have chosen.”  
  
“Very well, Lieutenant. You are dismissed.”  
  
Tuvok turned and departed Kathryn’s quarters, leaving her with an even deeper pit in her stomach. She hated alienating one of her oldest friends, but the reality of her predicament had emerged with startling clarity from the fog of the past few days and it left her with no other choice.

She was in love with Chakotay. She knew that now. Under different circumstances, she might have been able to deny it or paper it over with friendship, but she could not tolerate the possibility of his permanent departure from her life with the kind of professional detachment she could bring to any other member of her crew - Tuvok included.

Her thoughts wandered back to the mission to Tau Ceti Prime where she had lost both her father and her soon-to-be husband, Justin Tighe. The only way she had eventually recovered from her loss was knowing that she had done everything she could to save them. She knew she would never forgive herself if she didn't extend the same effort now.

She also knew that her objectivity was too compromised by all this to risk involving anyone under her command in a rescue attempt. This was something she needed to do herself.  
  
She was going after Chakotay and she was going to do it alone, but first she had to report to Sickbay.  
  
—  
  
“Captain,” said the Doctor, “I must admit that I agree with Lieutenant Tuvok. A solo rescue mission is incredibly risky. Why are you so opposed to taking anyone with you?”  
  
“That’s not something I wish to discuss.”  
  
“Well if you want my support, you’re going to have to do better than that.”  
  
She looked at him sharply. “Careful, Doctor.”  
  
He tried a softer approach, “Captain, I want to be on your side here. I promise that anything you tell me is subject to doctor-patient confidentiality. Please talk to me.”  
  
They were wasting time. Every second that went by, she knew there was a greater and greater chance that Melich would torture Chakotay to death. The videos he’d sent over the past few days, along with his repeated demands for weapons, were becoming increasingly brutal.

She decided that the fastest way off the ship would be to cooperate.  
  
She took a deep breath and looked studiously at her interlaced fingers. “While Chakotay and I were on New Earth he… he confessed that he had romantic feelings for me.”  
  
“I see,” said the Doctor. “And do you return these feelings?”  
  
“Yes,” she said, looking up at him without equivocation. “I hadn’t previously considered him as a potential partner. I keep that part of my life well compartmentalized from my working relationships with those who serve under me.  
  
“But once we were no longer in a command structure, I recognized that I had felt something more than friendship for him for some time. We were only just beginning to explore those feelings when Voyager returned for us and we agreed that we had to put any possibility of romance on hold for the good of the ship.”  
  
“And now you’re in the terrible position of possibly losing a man you’ve just realized you’re in love with,” the Doctor summarized.  
  
“Yes,” she said, bowing her head again. “I feel that my objectivity is far too compromised to ask any other member of this crew to take the risk of attempting to rescue him. This is something I have to do as a person, not as a Captain. For… for the man I love.”  
  
The Doctor placed a gentle hand on Kathryn’s knee.  
  
“Captain,” he said, “I’ve only just recently come to realize what it means to love someone; but I know that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for Danara. I won’t say that I’m thrilled with your plan, but I do understand why it’s necessary for you to make the attempt.”  
  
“Thank you, Doctor,” she said with great relief, standing again.  
  
The Doctor tapped his comm badge. “Doctor to Lieutenant Tuvok.”  
  
“Tuvok here.”  
  
“Lieutenant, please report to Sickbay.”  
  
“On my way.”  
  
The look on Tuvok’s face when the Doctor informed him that the Captain was of sound mind and that he supported her decision was the closest to surprise that Kathryn had ever seen him register; but he quickly regained his composure.  
  
“Very well,” he said, “but I will note my objection in my log.”  
  
“Of course,” said Kathryn, trying to be conciliatory. “Lieutenant, the ship is yours.”  
  
As she turned to leave Sickbay, Tuvok placed a hand on her shoulder. “Good hunting, Captain,” he said.  
  
“Thank you, Tuvok,” she replied, her face softening.  
  
She squared her shoulders and left for the shuttlebay.  
  
——  
  
The jungles of Adrix Prime were as humid and populated with animal life as any she had ever seen on Earth. She had beamed down to the transport coordinates she’d detected; but that was as far as sensors could take her. Melich was using a very sophisticated cloak to mask his movements.  
  
She scanned the immediate area visually as Chakotay had taught her during their time on New Earth and soon found what she was looking for: broken branches that indicated movement on foot. She could tell by the pattern of footprints in the moist soil that the trail was made by two bodies, one walking upright half carrying, half dragging the other.  
  
She scanned the immediate area to get her bearings before setting off, a phaser rifle slung over one shoulder and her duffel slung over the other. It would be dark soon and she needed to get as far as she could before setting up shelter for the night.  
  
For the next two days, she followed the trail of broken branches and muddy footprints through brackish swamps and over rocky hills, making camp at dusk and continuing on at first light until finally, on the third day, she came across a small canyon with an encampment made against one rocky wall.

When she observed on the encampment through her tactical array, she saw that several tents were arranged in a ring around an outdoor holding pen, and in the pen…  
  
_Oh God_, she thought as she saw Chakotay, lying broken on the soggy ground. His dress uniform was slashed in places and bruises bloomed across his face. His hand was wrapped in a filthy piece of cloth.  
  
For a moment, she thought he might be dead, but then she saw him stir slightly and her heart leapt with gratitude. She wasn’t too late.  
  
She planned her assault carefully, waiting until nightfall before stalking in towards the camp and setting up a position nearest the tent that appeared to be the mess hall. She waited until she heard a concentration of voices inside, what must have been dinner time for Melich and his people, and then rolled a concussion grenade into the tent.  
  
The explosion was a kind of pinched whistling through the air followed by stony silence. She peered under the flap of the tent and counted eleven bodies unconscious on the ground. They shouldn’t wake up for a couple of hours, plenty of time for her to make her getaway.  
  
She stole towards the pen, keeping a careful eye out for any stragglers who hadn’t made it to dinner just yet, but she didn’t see anyone until she made it to the pen, where Melich was standing over Chakotay with that serrated knife in his hand.  
  
“Commander,” Melich said, “all you have to do to earn your supper is to tell Captain Janeway to give me the weapons I require. You haven’t eaten in days. Surely you can do this much.”  
  
“I won’t cooperate, Melich,” said Chakotay in a trembling but defiant voice.  
  
“Very well,” said Melich, setting up his holo recorder and coming towards Chakotay with the knife.”  
  
Janeway emerged from behind the nearest tent and stood directly behind Melich. “Drop the knife,” she ordered.  
  
Melich put the knife down.  
  
“Kick it towards me,” she said, and he did.  
  
Now get down on your knees.  
  
Melich hesitated.  
  
“Do it!” she ordered again, and Melich complied.  
  
She tapped some controls on her phaser, setting it to kill. Chakotay’s eyes grew wide.  
  
“Kathryn,” he said, “no. He’s not worth it.”  
  
Their eyes met for the first time and she saw the pain written across his face. She could tell in that instant that he’d seen more than enough killing for one lifetime.

Though she badly wanted to end this sadistic, destructive man’s life, she decided to honor Chakotay’s wishes. She raised the butt of her phaser rifle in the air and brought it down on Melich’s head with a satisfying crack. He collapsed in the dirt, badly injured but alive.  
  
She ran to Chakotay. “Can you walk?” she asked.  
  
“Yes,” he replied, and she helped him to his feet with great effort. He gasped and moaned in pain with every movement, but eventually they managed to make their way free of the perimeter, and the dampening field that had stymied their sensors and made transport impossible.  
  
“Janeway to Tereshkova,” she said, “two to beam up.”  
  
—  
  
When they materialized in the shuttle’s main compartment, Chakotay’s knees gave way and he crumpled to the floor. Kathryn came with him, kneeling and holding his upper body in her arms. He clung to her as if she were an island in a stormy sea.  
  
“Computer,” she said, “set a course for Voyager and engage at maximum warp.”  
  
The computer chirped its assent and the vessel went to warp on autopilot.  
  
They crouched together on the floor of the shuttle holding onto one another so tightly she thought they might break. Then Chakotay’s body began to tremble so violently that she worried he was going into shock until at last he began to cry.  
  
She held him, whispering. “I have you, Chakotay. I have you. You’re safe. You’re with me. I won’t let them hurt you anymore. Will you let me get a medkit? Will you let me treat your injuries?”  
  
He held onto her still, delirious with tears and howling cries of trauma and pain; but then slowly his grip began to slacken and he lay back on the floor with a shudder as his nervous system calmed.

She got a medkit and gave him a hypospray full of pain killers and muscle relaxants. The remaining tension went out of his body and he lay prone on the floor.  
  
She wrapped him in an emergency blanket and came forward to the controls. Voyager was only fifteen minutes away.  
  
——  
  
**Stardate 49699.5  
**  
Chakotay’s recovery process had been slow. He had four broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, and a nasty infection in the stump of his finger, which made reattaching the tip impossible.

But the physical scars were nothing next to the emotional trauma he had sustained. He jumped at every opening door, every chirp of the computer. He could barely sleep twenty minutes before nightmares seized him and he woke crying out for Kathryn, having drenched the bedclothes with sweat.  
  
Kathryn moved into his quarters temporarily. Every time he woke, she was with him, her cool hands stroking his hair, bringing him cups of chamomile tea.  
  
Finally, one day, when he’d actually managed to eat breakfast with something approaching a normal appetite, she decided to take a risk.  
  
“Chakotay, would you like to join me on Holodeck two tonight?”  
  
He looked up at her with the first smile she’d seen on his face since this entire ordeal began.  
  
—  
  
When he entered the Holodeck that night, the first thing he saw was firelight.  
  
“What’s all this?” he asked.  
  
“Come and see,” she said, standing from where she had been crouching, tending the fire.  
  
He walked forward into the night and, as his eyes adjusted, found himself standing in a perfect re-creation of their campsite on New Earth. The cabin, the fire pit, the outdoor bathtub, all just as they had left them.

“Kathryn,” he said, stunned. “I..."  
  
“Come sit,” she said, patting the rough hewn log bench.  
  
He came around the fire and sat down next to her. She handed him a stick with a marshmallow already speared on the end.  
  
“S’mores?” he asked.  
  
“You’ve had far too much bitterness lately, Chakotay,” she said tenderly. “It’s time for some sweetness.”  
  
He smiled at her tentatively. She reached out toward him and, when he didn’t flinch away, ran her fingertips across the tattoo over his eyebrow.  
  
He turned his lips to her hand and kissed her palm before taking her hand in his own.  
  
“I never thanked you,” he said, “for coming for me. That was remarkably brave. You could have gotten yourself killed.”  
  
“Better that than lose you,” she said, her voice trembling slightly.

His look became wary, as if he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.  
  
“Why did you come alone?” he asked, after a few moments silence; putting into words what he had been wondering in his more lucid moments over the past few weeks.  
  
“I couldn’t ask anyone else to risk themselves,” she said. “My objectivity was too compromised. I…”  
  
She took a breath and tears began to flow.  
  
“I realized how in love with you I am and I just, I couldn’t…”  
  
And now it was her turn to collapse into tears. For weeks, she had held herself together, tending to his needs and being strong for him; but she couldn’t hold her emotions back forever.  
  
“I thought I would never see you again,” she sobbed, “and I realized that I’d left too many things unsaid because I was afraid of what would happen if I let myself love you.”  
  
At first, he looked stunned, but then his face broke into a radiant smile. He gathered her close and held her while she wept into his chest. Finally, she looked up at him and wiped her eyes.  
  
“Is this, are you, I mean…” she said, awkward and at a loss for words. “Is this too much for you? You’ve been through a tremendous ordeal. The last thing you need to be worrying about right now is my feelings.”  
  
“Kathryn,” he said, as tears sprung to his eyes, “remember the story of the angry warrior? Taking care of your needs is the meaning of peace for me. You’ve been my rock for weeks now. Please let me be strong for you, too.”  
  
He touched her face gently, caressing her beautiful cheekbone and brushing away strands of her hair, gleaming in the firelight as he remembered it from a much simpler time.  
  
She leaned towards him and rested her forehead against his. Their noses nuzzled closer and closer to one another until their lips brushed softly.  
  
The feeling that surged between them then was like a tidal wave of intermingled longing and satisfaction. Their kisses became more urgent as they wrapped their arms around one another. Her warm mouth played at his lips. His tongue searched for hers and he moaned into her open mouth when he felt her shudder with pleasure.  
  
His hands began to roam freely about her body, and he realized with a kind of dazed delight that she was wearing one of her dresses from New Earth.  
  
He brushed his hands over her breasts and felt her nipples through the soft fabric. She shuddered again and he felt his cock swell. His whole body was humming with life for the first time since the entire ordeal began. She was so responsive to his touch, his kisses, that he almost lost himself in the bliss he felt.  
  
Her hand wandered across his chest and over his muscular stomach, healed and made whole by the Doctor’s capable hands. And now she reached lower still, to the swollen bulge in his uniform trousers. She ran her hand gently over it and he responded with a deep groan that made her clit throb.  
  
She leaned forward, gracing his cheek and neck with kisses before whispering in his ear, “come inside with me?”  
  
“Oh please, yes,” he breathed into her ear, and they stood together, weak kneed and flushed.  
  
When they entered the cabin, he found it exactly as he remembered it, with only one notable change. Where there had been two sleeping areas, partitioned off from one another, now there was one large, carved wooden bed.  
  
He looked at her with a grin of surprise. “You really thought ahead, didn’t you?”  
  
“Let’s just say I hoped,” she said. “I hope this isn’t too much pressure for you.”  
  
By way of an answer, he gathered her back into his arms and kissed her so tenderly she thought her heart would explode with joy.  
  
“It’s perfect,” he said.  
  
She tugged at his uniform jacket and he removed it before pulling his shirt roughly over his head. He stood before her, his muscular chest bare in the low light of the cabin. She brushed her fingers over it and he trembled at her touch.  
  
She shed her vest and stepped out of her leather boots before reaching down and pulling the long dress over her head. Underneath, she wore only a pair of simple, black cotton briefs.

He came towards her again and caressed her naked breasts, sliding his thumbs gently over her nipples. She closed her eyes and groaned with pleasure.  
  
He gathered her close to him and the feeling of her skin on his sent shivers through his entire body. He felt something inside of him unlock and release, and suddenly more tears were flowing down his cheeks.  
  
“Kathryn, I… you have no idea how much,” he began. “I've wanted this for so long."  
  
She started to weep again as well. “Me too,” she said simply.  
  
And then her hands were at his belt and he was stepping clumsily out of his boots and pulling off his socks. He laid down on the bed and she pulled off his trousers and whatever underwear he’d been wearing underneath.  
  
He was as beautiful naked as she’d ever imagined, in the moments she’d allowed herself to imagine. His red-brown skin was taught over his well muscled torso and strong, hairy legs.

His cock was small and perfectly rigid. She’d never been partial to men who were overly large, so this was a delightful discovery and she made sure he knew it by kneeling between his legs and taking it in her mouth.  
  
He gasped and shuddered while she licked and stroked him, making sure to run her tongue over every swollen ridge and vein until his legs were shaking and he reached down for her.  
  
“Kathryn, please,” he said, his voice quavering.  
  
She rose and came to lie next to him, and again they both felt the electric hum of skin on skin. Her hands caressed his arms, his chest, his muscular back.  
  
He pressed his lips to hers and stroked her nipples again. She pushed into his hands and arched her back with pleasure. He slid his hand down her stomach and into her panties, working his way past soft curls and rubbing her outer lips as she rocked into him, her legs shaking and her whole body shuddering.  
  
When she moaned in frustration at his slow pace, he slid a finger between her lips and rubbed her clit in little circles. She pulled off her panties and spread her legs wider, sighing and grinding into his hand. He slid a finger inside her and felt her drench his fingers. His cock throbbed with anticipation and he groaned into her mouth. She reached down and began to stroke him, feeling drops of liquid beading at the tip of his cock.  
  
She massaged each drop into the tip of his cock with the pad of her finger and he began to tremble.  
  
“Are you trying to make me come, Kathryn?” he gasped. “Because I’m pretty damn close.”  
  
“I want you to come inside me,” she said. “Please.”  
  
He scooted up until his head was on the pillow and she came up to straddle him. She lined up the head of his cock with her slit and he almost fainted at the feeling of her soft, wet naked skin.  
  
He felt her wetness running down his shaft and he arched his hips upwards towards her. She took his cock in her hand and rubbed it back and forth between her lips, over her clit, just inside of her, and then out and back again and again.  
  
“Kathryn, please,” he begged.  
  
She slid down onto him so that she stretched over the head of his cock, and then paused, grinding her hips around in slow circles while he rocked his hips up into her. He reached up, grabbed her hips, and pulled her onto him.  
  
Being inside her was the sweetest feeling he’d ever known. Her skin on his, her legs tangled up with his, her beautiful long hair falling around him. He wrapped his arms around her hips and kissed her as he ground himself up into her again and again.  
  
“Kathryn!” he groaned, saying her name like a prayer, “Kathryn! Kathryn!”  
  
She started to work her hips in time with his thrusts and within seconds, he knew he was done for. He felt his orgasm building from his navel, from his toes, from the depths of his balls. He started to tremble and thrust uncontrollably into her, his strong arms firmly around her waist.  
  
“I love you, Chakotay,” she whispered, and kissed him again.  
  
His orgasm was a release like none he’d ever felt before, It was as though he had run a marathon and wept an ocean of tears in one heavenly moment. She felt him surge inside of her in great bursts, holding onto her hips and waist as tightly as he’d held onto her in that shuttlecraft, as if she were life itself.  
  
His pubic bone pressed against her clit perfectly as the head of his cock slid against the deepest part of her. She felt every inch of him working in her and her whole belly felt as though it was full of sunlight. She pressed herself down into him and was also lost to the glory of release, her orgasm squeezing every last drop from his juddering cock.  
  
They came to sleep next to one another, her head on his chest, his legs over hers. Their feet touching. Hours passed this way until she woke alone in the bed.  
  
She sat up and saw his silhouette in the doorway of the cabin, looking out at the sky.  
  
She rose and came to meet him, wrapping one arm around his waist. “Hey,” she said.  
  
He turned to look at her.  
  
“The sky,” he said, “it’s just as it was.” He pointed to the quetzal and then to the constellation she’d called ‘caffeine.’

“You catalogued all the stars we saw,” he said, a tender smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and crinkling his liquid brown eyes.  
  
“I wanted to remember everything perfectly,” she said.  
  
“You’re absolutely relentless,” he chuckled, putting his arm around her shoulders and playing absently with her hair.  
  
“That’s what Admiral Patterson used to say to me at the Academy,” she said with a smile. “Katie Janeway never quits.”  
  
“Katie?” he asked with a grin. “I like that.”  
  
“I like the way it sounds when you say it,” she replied, gazing up at him with a kind of adoration that melted his heart.  
  
“Katie,” he said again. “Let’s go back to bed.”


End file.
